In lieu of an actual entry, I've posted some more old journal entries (from my now-abandoned LJ) in my Reading Room. They are:

- Untitled. July 26, 2005
- I had a dream... March 19, 2006
- Are we growing up, or just going down? May 3, 2006

Please enjoy while I figure some stuff out.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

And I didn't even commit matricide! Amazing!

Details on the last week forthcoming. Maybe. Or maybe not. It all depends on my mood.

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

So my boss will be out of town next week for COSPAR in Montreal (which is only, like, my FAVORITE CITY IN CANADA!) where he's presenting one of our papers on abiotic nitrogen fixation, and I will be out for vacation, which leaves the new kid alone in the lab. I'm trying to teach him how to do some stuff so he can keep himself busy next week, but I can't exactly do that when we don't have the materials (shipping is not something I can control), not to mention that we're pretty much running out of time.

I hope my boss doesn't expect me to be able to show him absolutely EVERYTHING he needs to know in a little less than two days without the proper materials... I mean, I know I'm good, but I'm not THAT good. Perhaps with a bit more telepathic training I could be. Maybe I should work on that, too.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

I remember when I was like that: when I first learned college chemistry and biology and physics and I was so excited to apply my (limited) knowledge to everything and anything, no matter how impractical or unfeasible. It was an exciting time; in my head, I dreamed up solutions to all of molecular biology's greatest problems using what I knew from my introductory classes. Reality be damned.

Even though he's older than me, his (lack of) experience in science reminds me of when I was younger and more eager to dream about the possibilities. It was precisely because of that that I felt bad as I shot down his ideas one by one.

My boss has this grand idea that he will eventually create vesicles with the ability to create ATP--the currency of power in every living cell. ATP production is the end-result of energy transduction, which involves taking energy from light or redox reactions and turning into free energy in the form of a transmembrane electrochemical potential, which can be used to both synthesize ATP and drive active transport systems. Basically, in simpler terms, energy transduction is the change of one form of energy to another, the goal of which is to make it such that a cell can function. What my boss is trying to do is show that this can happen abiotically, and if he is able to do this, then that is one step towards fully understanding the origins of life as we know it. So far, we have been able to show that we can spontaneously form vesicles that can encapsulate semiconducting particles to drive redox chemistry using the energy from light. He plans to continue the experiments towards showing that we can use a system like this to produce the free energy to make ATP and, furthermore, that we can actually make it...somehow.

The new intern got all excited about the prospect of the project and dove right in. He even drew up a schematic diagram of a system that he thought would work. He worked all night on this because he was so enthusiastic about getting his name associated with a scientific breakthrough, but...they weren't fully developed. I could read the rejection on his face as I enumerated what was wrong with both the science behind his model and the logistics of performing that experiment.

His thoughts on the subject were creative; I'll give him that. And filling the holes in his scientific knowledge will come with time as he advances in his studies. But as for me, this gave me pause for thought: maybe I need to regain some of that exuberance; maybe I need to dream a little bit bigger. I have been growing more skeptical, more realistic as time goes by...but maybe I should also return to that time when I got superexcited all for what COULD be rather staying on my current trajectory, spending all my time trying to explain why it CAN'T.

I can't shake the feeling that maybe that's what I'm missing: a balance between the two. Perhaps I need to work on being a skeptical dreamer of sorts--someone who isn't afraid to color outside the lines but keep it within the page...

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

...make me almost say "FUCK IT" to taking public transit to work in lieu of driving.

Almost.

One of my cats made me miss my train by one minute this morning--one of those, arrive-at-the-platform-just-in-time-to-watch-the-train-pull-away deals. This, of course, meant that I had to wait 15 minutes for the next one, which tacked on an extra 5 minutes waiting time when transferring to another line, which meant that I missed the bus connection from the train station to NASA by 15 whole minutes, which meant that I would have to wait another half hour to catch the next one.

As soon as I parked at the station, I contemplated turning around and taking the highway to work. At that time of day--which is to say, rush hour--it would have taken me 40 minutes to get there, which is still better than the almost-two hours it takes me to get to work using public transit, but in the end I reminded myself that I'm doing the transit thing to save (a LOT) of money... and I also managed to remind myself that my boss doesn't get in until after noon all the time anyway so he wouldn't know I was an hour late. (That's a free $13 right there.)

I think I was going to type more, but to be completely honest, it's been a really, REALLY long day and I would like nothing more than to just sleep. Tomorrow should go better... I hope.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Just watch me.

Some idiot is STILL popping off fireworks and firecrackers, and it's the fucking FIFTH of July. So, I just yelled "LEARN TO READ A CALENDAR, YOU FUCKING RETARD! TODAY IS THE FIFTH. YOU'RE SO SLOW THAT YOU'RE A DAY LATE!" out of my window.

Get a clue, morons.

I hate the people in my neighborhood.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

(Abridged because I feel dirty and want to take a shower. Desperately.)

So I managed to find an apartment. It's a little more expensive than I had hoped for, but definitely still within my means. Compared to the other places I looked at, this place was HUGE (which is to say it isn't, like, the size of a house, but when most of the apartments you're looking at are no larger than twice the size of your current [and pretty small] bedroom, then it's ginormous). It isn't campus adjacent like I initially wanted, but it's a straight shot on the bus to the transit center at school (not to mention there is also a free shuttle from my apartment to the school), AND I'm across the street from a drug store, a grocery store, several restaurants, two coffee shops, a Blockbuster, and some banks. It's one bedroom, one bath, with a full kitchen and a balcony (where I am going to keep a banana tree and grow bougainvillea into a trellis). I'm uberexcited and wish that all my friends can come and visit me all at once... but I will settle for an occasional overnight stay when one or two are in town.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

And he's cute! And funny! And smart! And he...

...has a girlfriend. Boo!

Hahahaha, whatever. He's cool. We'll get along juuuuust fine.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!